A Rippling Effect

To say this has been a difficult month would be an understatement. It seems everywhere you look, what you read, and watch there is some kind of conflict going on. Everything has a ripple effect and what you project will ripple outward. Tuning off and refocusing is so important to allow ourselves to stay grounded and at peace with others and ourselves. But how do you maintain that peace when your inner world is given a hit?

These last few weeks my family has seen our patriarch’s health decline where we had to make the decision to put dad in a nursing home. That in itself is an emotional roller coaster, from fear of the unknown, relief knowing he is getting proper care, to guilt — a nagging feeling you have let a loved-one down.

Once we made that decision, we were ready to move forward in his care plan, supporting him where we could. But as you know, the best-laid plans don’t always work out the way we think they should. Although putting dad in a nursing home was difficult, what was about to happen was even more heart-breaking. Once my father got to the home, his health deteriorated rapidly. He went from eating, walking with a walker, and talking to being bedridden, unable to talk or swallow within a couple of days. Getting the news that he was at ‘end of life’ three days after he went to the nursing home was devastating. Of course right away the guilt starts. If only… but right away we had to make sure we didn’t feed our brain the negative. We had to remind ourselves that we did the best we could. The result was we were able to keep him home for a long time because of the efforts of the family who all chipped in to help. It didn’t stop the sorrow we felt, because his death was not a peaceful occasion for him. He suffered tremendously the last few days of his life. Reflecting back on this occasion, it was an opportunity for us to get our emotions out. We certainly had opportunity to cry as he struggled in pain during his end of life. Crying allowed us to release the agony and sense of hopelessness we felt. Amazingly in our times of deepest sorrow, someone always checked in. Whether that was a staff member, a friend, or family member; the timing was impeccable, bringing us back to a place of gratitude and calm.

As with everything a chain reaction ensues. You know it… the ripple effect. Like when your having a bad day, everyone around you seems to be having one too or your contagious laughter has everyone around you splitting a gut laughing. These acts of kindness rippled in me inspiration. They reminded me the importance of even the smallest of gestures and how they can change someone’s life. During these last few weeks, we saw a compassionate smile, a warm hug, a note of love, a meal sent, a phone call to support, a firm handshake, a caring gaze, a daily check in and many love you’s. This whole experience left me with a feeling of growth. My heart grew and I became motivated to be more compassionate in ever aspect of my life. I have this experience to shower my gratitude on for this change. I am at peace knowing dad is where he needs to be. As I reflect on this past month, I can see how the many acts of kindness rippled into our lives to be the conduit of positive change. If we look for it, we can see that conflict is always going on. Whether that is inner conflict, the world at conflict or conflict with others. I know that I can’t control a situation or another. But I do know that I can control where I put my focus, how I act, respond and the emotion I attach to a situation. How will you project the conflicts in your world? Will you use them to create a current of positive change or allow the negative to ripple out?